Why your best friend is not your best career advisor

Your best friend has known you for years. She ( or he) knows when you need chocolate and that you are generally unbearable when you haven't had enough sleep. She ( or he) is great. But when it comes to what you really want to do professionally, she ( or he) is probably not the right person to talk to.

What your best friend sees and what she ( or he) doesn't see

So why isn't your best friend the ideal career advisor? Friends (male or female, of course) see you through the lens of your shared history. They know your strengths, but often also your old roles: ‘the creative one,’ ‘the chaotic one,’ ‘the responsible one.’ Things that have long since changed sometimes remain invisible. And because they don't want to unsettle you, but rather cheer you up, they often avoid asking the very questions that would really help you move forward.

Coaching, on the other hand, is a process that pushes you to think further, even when it becomes uncomfortable. While your best friend may be completely satisfied in her secure corporate job and may even be afraid of change herself, a coach looks at your situation neutrally with a clear view of you.

The ‘I can do it on my own’ mindset

If your own environment is not the right place to turn to, the next thought usually comes all by itself: then do it alone. After all, you've already achieved so much on your own. Why should this be any different? But here's the catch: sure, you can do it alone, but it costs unnecessary time, nerves and energy. And you actually want to change your professional situation as quickly as possible, right?

Because what actually happens (and if you're honest, it may have been happening for months) is that you think about your problem: being umhappy at work, come to a conclusion, discard it again, think about it again. And at some point, you find yourself in exactly the same place you were three months ago, only with more question marks in your head and the feeling that the issue has somehow become bigger, without you knowing why.

You ponder a decision for so long that you are no longer sure what you want. What seemed clear before becomes blurred. And in the end, all you know is that you are tired of thinking about it but no further forward.

This is exactly where coaching can make a difference. Not because a coach has the answers you don't have. But because a fresh perspective from the outside often reveals blind spots.

What coaching really changes and what others say about it

I could write a lot about what coaching can do for you. But to be honest, the people I have had the privilege of coaching can explain it much better than I ever could.

Regaining focus and motivation

When we work on our challenges alone, we tend to get bogged down. Coaching can provide structure and clarity, allowing you to refocus on what is important.

Robin from the USA:

"I filled out job applications with little focus or enthusiasm. My outlook was mostly negative and my self-esteem was low. After working together, I felt like I had regained my drive. We explored positive stories and aspects of myself that gave me hope, energy, motivation, self-esteem and a better attitude towards job hunting. The self-reflection was particularly helpful: Janina creates a safe space, listens without judgement, is present and very creative in her approach. I felt seen and heard, and she offered incredibly valuable feedback and ideas. She often recognised things that I wasn't aware of myself. That was so motivating."

Can coaching help to reveal blind spots and inner blockages?

We all have them: issues that unconsciously hold us back, old patterns that repeatedly hold us back. It is often very difficult to recognise them on your own. A coach can make these issues visible and at the same time create a safe space in which you can face them.

Steph from Amsterdam:

"My coaching experience with Janina was extremely positive. With her guidance, I was able to address several deep-rooted issues in a completely different way than I could have done on my own. Even though it was challenging to deal with the issues I discovered, her patient and focused manner was very supportive. I was able to trust her and be open. The coaching has had a noticeable impact on my life: by voicing all the issues and feeling safe in doing so, I was able to recognise what is currently holding me back and develop strategies to overcome these challenges. Without Janina's coaching, I would not have been able to achieve these changes on my own."

Does coaching help me recognise my own strengths?

We often fail to recognise our strengths because they seem so obvious. A coach helps you to see your potential, set priorities and find the direction that really suits you.

Anthi from Amsterdam:

"I really enjoyed my sessions with Janina. Janina is someone who makes you feel comfortable opening up and sharing your story and goals. Her communication skills and empathy helped me to engage even more in the process and look forward to the next session. She really helped me to focus on and prioritise what is important to me. She recognised my strengths and helped me to identify my actual goals on both a personal and professional level. The most valuable lesson I learned from this experience was to stay true to myself. This is something I currently carry with me and will continue to do so in the future. Thanks to this experience, I am now in a much better position professionally! I would definitely recommend Janina!"

Coaching, counselling and mentoring: what exactly is the difference?

These terms are often confused. However, the three words mean different things: A consultant tells you how to do something. A mentor shares their own experiences and shows you ways that have worked for them. Coaching, on the other hand, means that you discover your own solutions step by step. Coaching accompanies you, helps you to reflect and supports you on your way. You learn to make conscious decisions, develop clarity and gain new perspectives. This gives you real agency and helps you find your own professional path.

Steph from Amsterdam:

“Before, I wasn't sure what the difference was between a coach, therapist and psychologist, but Janina clearly described her role: not to advise, but to accompany. During the sessions, she always made sure to ask provocative questions that allowed me to draw my own conclusions.”

She adds:

"I was impressed by Janina's natural ability to create a safe space and calm professionalism. I was surprised at how easy it was for me to share very serious issues that I don't normally talk about. Janina did an excellent job of creating a safe, non-judgmental environment. I found the two minutes of meditation at the beginning of each session particularly helpful, as it cleared my head and allowed me to focus completely on the session."

Conclusion: You can do it on your own, but do you really have to?

Yes, you can embark on your professional search for meaning on your own. I'm not saying it won't work. You can read books, watch YouTube videos and continue asking friends.

Coaching is not a must. But it is a shortcut. And if you want clarity faster, want to stop going round in circles and finally want clarity about where you actually want to go, then it's the most obvious shortcut there is.

Let me briefly tell you why I'm not just saying that.

Me many years ago:

At some point, I was so frustrated with my job situation that I spontaneously booked a coaching session. I celebrated this decision internally (yes, I had finally made a decision, I had finally taken action). Then I sat in the session and realised how exhausting it all was, how much I had to deal with. And at the same time, I was frustrated because I thought it would all go faster. Then I started to do the maths and thought, no, I'd rather do it myself. I can do it on my own. And that was a mistake.

And then I did exactly what most people do: nothing. I couldn't get myself organised, I was overwhelmed, I didn't know where to start. And so several more years passed in which I felt pretty lost. Years in which I tried haphazardly to change my situation because I somehow lacked a clear roadmap. Yes, I eventually found my way, but it really took years and involved many detours. Looking back, I could have saved myself a lot of frustration if I had done it right from the start.

If you want to spare yourself that, get support. Now. Because the time you spend waiting won't come back.